Week 4 Reflection

This weeks post will be very different from my other posts. I am not going to talk about the successes and/or failures of my lessons.I am not going to reflect on practices or theories that I have learned in lectures. None of these things seem to matter this week. Nothing I have learned in a seminar or from my professors, advisers, and mentors could have prepared me for the events that have passed.

Monday morning I drove by myself to Grafton because I had plans after school. I left early because I was not completely prepared for the day and wanted some extra time to get ready. The whole ride all I can think about is that I am not going to be ready for my classes. I'm stressed to the point where I can't even hear the radio. But then, right as I am driving in to Grafton, I heard it. "An accident in Taylor County last night has killed two people and severely injured several others." I say in my head,"I hope it isn't someone from the school."

I parked and walked up to the door where there was a sign posted, "Mandatory Staff Meeting, 7:45" and I knew. I walked up to the lounge and got my computer out in an attempt to get my work finished. I sat alone for a while but got very little done because of the thoughts racing through my head. Slowly more teachers trickle in and the search for answers begins. "What happened?""Who is it?" The first few teachers knew very little, only that it was students. Finally, a teacher came in with the names of students she heard were involved. Everyone in the room was silent as she spoke. She starts with the students she heard were dead on the scene and then those that are in the hospital. The last name she mentions is of a boy that I have in my class. Someone asks here to repeat and as she does I catch something. A name that sounds familiar. The teacher was saying the last name wrong and I realize that one of the girls that had died on the scene was in my class.

We all walked down to the meeting and waited to hear what we already knew but wished wasn't true. I looked around the room and could feel the pain. Whether they were crying or not you could see the sorrow in the faces around the room. We left only to be greeted by the sobs of students who have lost their classmates. Their friends. Their Family.

I got back to my room where I met up with Mr. Taylor and we began to discuss the plan. He told me we must go on as normal. But how? Nothing about that day was normal. Then our first class began and I did what he said. I went on with my lesson as I had planned. The first class went by silently.

The start of my second class was when it really hit me. I watched the students came in and my eye caught a girl who was visibly distraught. She walked up to me and said, "Is it ok if I cry?" My heart hit the floor. I told her to do whatever she needed to. Afterward, I asked Mr. Taylor what to do and he decided to send her to the counselor.

The week went by and we tried our best to keep a sense of normalcy. We try to joke with the students. Play games with them. Play sports. Anything to keep them going and keep their spirits high.

Just as things seemed to be getting better the week ended with one of the hardest days. The school held a memorial assembly that made the toughest of tough break down. Later that day was the viewings for our fallen students.

These events, though terrible and tragic, have taught me more lessons than all of my years of study. I have seen what it truly means to be a teacher. We are a rock. We are that solid foundation that supports our students and community. We care for our students as if they were our family and that is why these events hurt us so much. We work so hard so that we can watch them succeed and it pains us when they fail. It hurts even more so when we see bright futures ended so suddenly as they did this week.

Now I know what I want to be. I know what I am. I am a teacher. I never felt it fully until this week but now I know that this is what I am meant to do. I want to be there for my students through the good and the bad. I want to see my students succeed and safely travel through life. I am a teacher.